10 Tips To Have Relaxing Anal Sex

How To Prepare: 10 Tips To Have Relaxing Anal Sex

Many of you may have your interest in anal sex, but at the same time you don't feel you have an adequate understanding about what is involved in the preparation process and how to have things go as smoothly and comfortably as possible. The following 10 tips will help you prepare for your future involvement with your partner.


1. Bowel Movement, the First Thing to Go

Your initial plan of action before partaking in anal sex, is ensuring that the receiving partner has relieved themselves of any waste products by using the toilet. Freeing up space in your anal cavity will prevent discomfort and the possibility of having an untimely bowel movement during anal play/sex.

As Dr.Rachael Ross stated in a Women's Health magazine, "Plainly and simply, if your anus is full of poop when you start anal, then there’s a chance of stooling during the activity."

Don't wind up in a stupor, relieve your pooper!

This obviously means planning a good time of day for sex. So, if you poop in the morning, late morning is a great time for sex, and a bad time for sex is when you wake up and your bowels are full from all the overnight digestion.


2. Diet - What You Put In Will Make It's Way Out

The biggest fear people have about anal sex is to get dirty. But if you have normal healthy bowel habits, you don't have to worry much about it.

For that, you have to understand how our bowel system works. When you eat, stomach breaks down food and is passed down to colon to get absorbed. Undigested food is stored as feaces in the last part of colon [sigmoid colon]. From there, it is moved on mass into the rectum and we get urge to defecate. 

So, we generally aim for a regular solid stool, which is ideal for anal sex because the rectum is clean and empty between bowel motions. All you then need to have is warm shower before play and gently cleaning around outside [Plus douche if you want extra cleanliness - see below].

Don't over think about your diet and don't do drastic changes in your diet as it can upset your bowel. Keep your diet balanced and as normal as possible if you already produce solid stools at regular intervals. If you don't produce solid stools at regular intervals, aim to change your diet so that you do. This will mean you are aware of when your faeces are not in the rectum, which is the best time for anal sex. Having regular and solid bowel movements will mean you know the best time for anal sex, and there will be less faeces left after you've defecated. 

For a rectum cleansing, avoid high fibre foods the day before. A low fibre diet is made up of foods that are easily digested and absorbed, leaving a minimal residue in the bowel. Avoid over processed foods. On the day of play, don't have heavy meals, or meals that cause flatulence (i.e. produce wind). You don't want to be farting through the sex. Eating very little for 5-6 hours before anal sex will mean there is less waste to make its way into your rectum.

If you have diarrhoea or upset stomach, haemorrhoids, delicate, bruised or fractured anal skin or bowels (eg some blood in the pooh), then avoid anal sex.


3. Anal Cleanliness - To Douch

Have a relaxing bath or shower beforehand and thoroughly clean the area. How about gently shaving or waxing the skin between your butt cheeks? This will make you much more relaxed and confident.​

Having anal sex without ensuring your back door is clean after a bowel movement, can lead to some problems, because unlike the vagina, the anal cavity is not self cleaning.

After a bowel movement, all of the feacal matter may not make its way completely out of the rectum, and taking extra precautions, like douching, is beneficial for both partners.

Anal douching prior to sexual activity can help ease partners stress about cleanliness. Due to the fact your rectum will be properly flushed after douching, both partners can rest assured there will be no messy mishaps.

To make using an anal douche less awkward and uncomfortable, here is a short video showing how to fill and use the douche.


4. Lube, Because It Just Makes Things Go Smoother

Lubrication is a necessity when it comes to anal sex, to help reduce friction and the potential for internal tearing (which can lead to infection), but understanding what type of lubrication to use is just as important.

Anal lubes are thicker than your typical lubes, to give you extra cushioning, while also lasting longer. Best anal lubes come in either silicone or water based formulas. Water based lubes are safe to use with condoms, as well as any toys you may want to use but, they dry out quickly hence reapplication is necessary.

​Silicone lube on the other hand are slick, slippery and last much longer than any other lubes but can't be used with silicone toys.

If you don't want to use commercial lubes, try coconut oil as natural lube.

Using the lube is as simple as applying it directly onto your partner or toy before you start to play, there is no need to be sparing here.

I'd also like to mention that desensitising lubrication is not recommended for anal play, because if you are taking the right precursory steps before getting down to business, there should be almost no pain. Desensitising the anus prevents both the pleasure and pain to the receiver- so you can tear the anal walls and create infection, without feeling the pleasure of the actual intercourse.

If you are new to anal play, desensitizing yourself to what you are actually feeling, could result in injury that you will not be aware of until later on. The same is true when having sex when using mind-altering drugs or alcohol. 

Condom use is also highly advised with anal sex to prevent disease, because STIs and STDs, including HIV, Chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes can be transmitted through anal sex. Take the few extra steps to ensure your play time stays fun and safe. Condom use may also help you relax easier into the play.


5. Relax Your Anal Muscles

When it comes to relaxing for anal sex, it is just as much about the state of your mind as it is about the physical ability of your body. Regardless of what kind of physical activity you are doing, proper breathing techniques are always beneficial to help keep your mind and body functioning in unity.

There are two rings of muscles around your anus, external sphincter and internal sphincter. The outer one (first one you can feel when you insert finger) is easier to relax and squeezes whenever you want.

The inner sphincter is about one and half inches inside (you can feel it when you insert finger inside and press against wall) and this one is a lot harder control. It reflects and responds to fear and anxiety during anal sex.

First thing to do is to breathe. Taking deep breath helps relax anal muscles while holding breath has apposite effect. Keeping your mind relaxed and breathing will help to have enjoyable anal sex.

Another way to relax the muscles is heat and massage. Appplying the warmth and massage from a wet towel, sponge, fingers, toys or tongue for 10 or more minutes is an excellent relaxant. Massaging the anus with the tongue and lips is called rimming or analingus. It makes for great foreplay as it also builds trust between the giver and receiver in initiating very intimate contact between each other. 

Rimming can only be practised with a partner unfortunately so you can't prepare for this one on your own! The anus contains as many nerve endings as the lips and therefore you can compare it to kissing and snogging. Suffice to say that it gives you a very powerful sensual release of hormones. It will give you a sensation you will never before will have experienced.

For some people, rimming may be the ultimate anal pleasure and be preferred to anal penetration.

Another useful way to relax the muscels is by stretching them. Yoga asanas (positions) for stretching the buttocks and cheeks mainly come from bending at the hip, and from spreading the legs as wide as possible. Practice widening the hips and legs to open up the cheeks and crack and then holding these positions (eg on all fours with legs, knees and feet as far apart as you can. You will feel much more comfortable and used to these positions when you come to use them during anal sex. 


6. Practice on Yourself Initially

Any good way to prepare yourself is through practice. Doing this by yourself, where you can take your time learning about your own body and how you react to different types of touch and play, before introducing your partner, can help you feel more relax and better prepared when it comes to being intimate with someone.

Using Your Fingers

Apply some lube on your finger and slowly try to insert it.

Initially you will feel resistance, that's your outer sphincter. Once inside, keep finger there for a minute.  You will notice that it won't feel tense anymore. 

Remove your finger and do it again for couple of times.

Next, insert your finger deeper this time, about 1-2 inch inside. This time your will feel resistance from your inner sphincter.

Again keep your finger there for a minute and remove it. 

Keep practicing this technique and eventually you will feel less resistance.

Using Butt Plugs

​Once you are comfortable with finger, you should introduce a butt plug. 

A Butt plug is a sex toy that will help you loosen up your anus.

They come in various shapes and sizes.

You should start with a small size and gradually introduce bigger one.

Anal beads

This toy is a string of beads that are shaped from the smallest to the largest to help open you up progressively.

Anal beads are typically used by heterosexual couples to enhance vaginal intercourse, by creating stimulation and a tightening sensation all around the erogenous zones of the vagina and anus, which helps create more pleasure and a stronger orgasm or ejaculation (if used by a man in combination with solo or mutual masturbation) when removed gently just before climax.

Anal dildos and vibrators

Dildos work on the same premise as the fingers but are larger in size and shaped like a penis. Vibrators are dildos that shake, move, rotate and pulsate at different speeds, paces and rhythms to stimulate the anal wall.

In this video there is a short explanation of how to properly use an anal vibrator. Be sure to follow the same precautions with the anal vibrator as you would with any anal play: lubricate, communicate, relax and enjoy!

It can be advantageous to use dildos that are stable by suction or fixed on a surface such as the shower or bathroom wall or floor, rather than handheld. This allows you to back onto them without using your own hands. Instead, for example, use your hands to separate the buttock cheeks to make anal access and entry easier, or to stabilise your own body balance and slowly rhythmically move yourself in different positions such as up and down and back and forth on the dildo, or you can self pleasure, or pleasure your partner with your hands.

Practice on your thigh stretches. To receive, widening the legs apart helps open up the hole for penetration. So, get those abductors stretched and practice holding your knees and feet apart, and bending at the hip, while you're on your back, on your front, on your side, standing, and on all fours. These stretches are often used in yoga routines and especially yoga routines for better sex. You'll be using them for anal sex so use them as you practice and ready yourself for anal sex!


7. Plenty of Foreplay

Foreplay is as necessary a part of anal sex as it is of vaginal intercourse. Similar techniques can be used to arouse your partners anus the same way you would stimulate the penis or vagina.

Rimming or analingus is an anal foreplay technique involving licking the anus and/or inserting a stiff tongue and thrusting like a penis, or french kissing thside, kissing the anus with the lips, and rubbing the mouth, nose and chin area all around the hole. If preferred, you can use cling wrap or a condom as a barrier (similar to a dental dam when performing cunnilingus).

Analingus stimulates the nerve ending in the anus and the feel good sensations help relax and excite your partner. Also, using fingers (for massaging and inserting), anal beads, dildos and vibrators are wonderful for warming your partner up for the main event!

Spitting and using lube around the anus and fingering it inside to lubricate the insides is essential!


8. Go Slow

Anal sex may be new to both you and your partner and it has a learning curve, so rushing is not a good idea!

There are a few key points to keep in mind to be consciously aware of yourself and your partner to make sure you go at a speed that works for you both.

First off, you want to be sure that you're with a partner you feel comfortable with and that you trust. Knowing that you can voice your thoughts and feelings and that your partner will listen is vital to participating in anal sex.

After ensuring that you are clean, take as much time as you and your partner need to warm up, foreplay with fingers and toys is just as enjoyable as the main event and helps both partners relax and feel comfortable with communicating their boundaries.

Don't forget to lube, lube, lube! Spitting saliva into the anus, fingering it in, rubbing saliva or spitting over the cock, are great but saliva dries quickly. Lube lasts longer. But both can be reapplied at any point to help keep the sex smooth. The anus quickly dires out and reapplication of spit and lube is needed frequently fro a nice long session. 

Whenever possible, open up the anus using your hands to stretch the cheeks apart, widen the legs and feet, and also push the anus out, pouting it, saying I'm ready! These three positioning techniques show that the receiver is ready and willing. Just getting into these positions can be very horny practice for the receiver.


9. Double, Triple...Sixfold Pleasure

One of the greatest things about being sexual with your partner is the variety of sexual activities you can do with each other!

You do not have to make the main focus of anal sex all about the anus.

Don't forget that your partner has many other erogenous zones that can be stimulated before or simultaneously with anal sex. Everyone's erogenous zones are different, so this adds to the fun of either talking about it with your partner or working your way along the body to find out! Kissing and licking the lips, mouth, ears, neck, nipples, pits, rimming the anus, slapping and spitting on the buttock cheeks, rubbing the cock up and down the crack and hitting it on the top of the buttocks, sucking the feet, toes and hands, cock and balls, pulling on the balls, feelign the receiver's cock...there are so many other areas to enjoy tasting, smelling, looking at, touching and fucking! 

If the receiver's arse is clean, you can go 'arse to mouth'. That means, the receiver can suck the giver's cock when he's pulled out and inbetween fucking it, and also lick it clean at the end of the anal sex.

By stimulating other sensitive areas of your partners body while engaging in anal sex, you will increase their pleasure and ultimately your own as well!


10. Positions

Lastly, I'd like to talk about six typical anal sex positions because everyone likes a little something different. Make sure you communicate with your partner about which position(s) work best for you both. Whenever possible, open up the anus using your hands to stretch the cheeks apart, widen the receiver's legs and feet (remember those yoga routines for better sex), and also push the anus out, pouting it, saying I'm ready! These three positioning techniques show that the receiver is ready and willing. Just getting into these positions can be very horny practice for the receiver. To give the receiver more control, the giver can say "Do you wanna back up on this dick?" Similarly, the receiver can tell the giver to "Stop right there!" if they want more time to relax the anal muscles to take the cock further inside or cope with with quicker thrusting.

The receiver stands with wide, strong legs apart using a wall, post, pillar, fixed chair, sofa, solid table or work surface for support, and bends over, sometimes with one leg lifted up, while their partner stands behind them for penetration. Useful when there's no mattress, the standing position is great when you're around hallways, utility and dining rooms, kitchens, garages, workspaces, backyards, working yards,  street alleys and cruising around toilets, trees, and lamp posts. For the more experienced.

All Fours - Doggy Style
Often the easiest and most comfortable position to begin anal sex. The receiver kneels with knees (and feet) as far apart as possible to better expose the anus for entry with partner's body. A variety of heights can be achieved by leaning on the hands and forearms, spreading the hands out to the side of a mattress, rug, pillows or headrest, and arching the belly and back toward the bed and pushing straight down into the mattress with his fists supporting his body up. Ideal on the end, side or middle of a bed. The giver can be kneeling on the same mattress or surface or standing on lower ground (eg at side of the bed)

Rear entry position
The receiving partner lies on their stomach with a few firm pillows under their hip area to level out their body for entry. Cocking out one leg will better expose the anus for entry. A forceful doggy style position thrusting can lead to the receiver being in this flat rear entry position and it is easy to transition back and forth between these two positions.

Side On
The receiver lies with upper or lower leg cocked away from the other, or uses their hands to lift up their upper leg, while their partner lies behind them spooning for penetration, or kneels with one leg between the receivers legs. The receiver kneeling on just one leg gives more thrusting power. Easy to move between this and rear entry position, or reverse cowboy position.

Probably the second easiest and most popular position. The receiving partner lies on their back and the giver kneels wide on the same surface, or stands or squats in front of them (at the edge of a table, deep sofa, mattress, bench press or sling). They are face to face and can kiss. The giver's knees can be pulled back to their chest with their feet supported by their partner's shoulders. One leg rather than both over the shoulders will open up the anus wider. The anus can also be better lifted and exposed by the receiver relaxing the legs as wide as possible or by holding the receiver's feet apart with the hands, at the ankles, knees and thighs, and by resting their buttocks on one or two pillows. The receiver can also twist their thigh and have one leg diagonally across their chest, held by either the giver or receiver, to lift up and expose the anus. The giver can easily hold the receiver's cock as he thrusts giving double delight or swing down for a snog! To change positions, the giver lifts up the receiver with his strong arms behind the receiver's back, so together you roll into the cowboy position, with the giver now on his back.

A forceful, deeply penetrating position where the giver thrusts down from a height, dominantly pounding the hole with plenty of exercise gusto. To get the extra height over his receiver, the giver is often on the balls of his feet, and his hands on the headboard or back of sofa, and the receiver has a maximum bend (flex) at the hips, so his feet are close to his head and shoulders. The more flexible the receiver, the greater the bend angle he can achieve at the hips, so get your yoga or pilates practice in! Pile-driving can be achieved in the above five main positions. With the standing position, doggy style, and rear entry position, the giver is in standing position (off his knees, but his hands may support him) on the same surface height (or higher) as the receiver, or arched over the receiver, performing press-downs rather than press-ups. The receiver bends his hips to flex them as much as possible. In missionary position and side-on position, a forceful punishing penetration technique occurs while the giver is on top.holding down the receiver's legs, to increase the receiver's hip flex. Extra pounding can be achieved if the receiver's feet are held down by the giver, behind the receiver's shoulders, the receiver completely double backed on himself. The giver is totally dominant and on top, pumping and thrusting in deep. Expect plenty of groans and howls from the receiver, as all the air is pumped out of him.

Receiver on top (Cowboy and Reverse Cowboy)
This is where the receiver straddles their partner and inserts the penis into him. They can be facing each other or reversed. Ideal when lying down on a mattress, or on a chair or sofa. This allows the receiver to control depth, speed, and angle. It is ideal for beginner receivers who want the control and partners who share control. The opposite of pile-driving. However, if the receiver raises his hole up by straddling on his feet, some serious pumping can be received from forceful givers. 


11. Communication

I know I said there were 10 tips, but this way, I hope you rememeber this last one for being the most important.

Last, but not least, in fact probably the most important key to good sex, is communication.

As you can now tell from points 1-3, anal sex is best planned, so let your partner know when you're ready. The timing is best planned around your bowel cycles and when you've prepared in the bathroom about 30 minutes before anal sex. 

Ask for different positions, angles, pace, rhythms, rooms, lengths of session and times you have sex. Take turns with who's in control of each and all of these elements. Do this when you're having sex, as well as well as when you're not in the act.

Watch films, read books and research on your own and together with partners different forms of anal sex and discuss what you like and don't like about each one. Do you like being spat on the mouth, face and buttocks? Slapped on the buttocks and face? Punched in the chest? Kissed and cuddled? Tied up and blindfolded? Quickies and long sessions? Sex in the shower and in the hallway? Looking each other in the face?

Have open and honest, sexy and seductive, romantic, kinky, dirty and compassionate communication. Mix it up each time and during each anal session. Demonstrate how your pleasure is changing. Show your partner how you're finding it, and ask them how they are, too.

Groan and gasp, moan and shout, scream and whisper, howl with pleasure and pain. 

Let Love and lust rule the day.


I hope these tips will help you and your partner enjoy a new sexual experience that will ultimately bring you closer together.