Are you Tired? Surrender to Loving
Are you tired? If not, get tired! If you are not tired, you will never reach home. Only if you are tired, will you ever rest, will you reach home. Everything in the world tires you; the one thing that will not tire you is love, because that is the goal, that is home. Have you ever heard anyone say, "Oh, I am so tired of loving"? It is unheard of because it is not possible to be tired in love!
You are tired of convincing people, of explaining things to people, of comforting, or pleasing people. You can be tired of everything else, even enjoyment! In fact, tiredness is the shadow of enjoyment. What puts you on the road, and what brings you home, is being in love.
On your journey to find enjoyment, you move from one thing to another. You see joy, but when you reach it, you find it is further away - somewhere else - and so you move on. That moving on is tiring. Look at life...when children get tired of playing with their toys, they want a new toy. Tired of the new toy, they want people to play with new games or new people to play with. They grow a little older, and their games, as well as their wants, change. It is like movingh from one type of tiredness to anotehr type of tiredness. Where is that rest, that solace, that is peace, that love, that is so comforting, so cooling, so eternal, so blissful, so satisfying?
You cannot be at rest until you reach home. You may sit on the path, and rest a bit, but you cannot be there forever - you may just take a break. On the motorway, there is a rest area, where you can rest, stand up and stretch, maybe even receive an Indian Head Massage, but you cannot stay there; you cannot go to bed there, be at peace there, because the mind says "Move on!"
As a teenager, you look for something else - "Which new movie is showing? Where to go? Which party?" Then you move further, you try to find a life partner. You may get married...Then what? You have a home of your own...You have children...
Those who are single, feel that married people are happier than they are...and those, who are married, look at single people and think they are much better off, they are more free. People without children feel that epople with children are happier. People with children think that they will be free, when their children grow up. Parents look for someone else to take care of their children, and to give themselves a break.
Life moves on like this, but everything is tiring. You move from one spiritual path to another, you do this practice or that practice and that can also be tiring. "Oh! I have meditatied for twenty years! I am so tired of meditating! Please don't tell me to do anotehr meditation! Enough is enough! And pranayama - forget about it! It is so boring!"
What does one do? Where does one go? It is the desire that tires you - the want in your mind tires you more than the body! If you are willing to work fifteen hours, then that's fine, but if you are not willing, even four hours of work tires you. If you feel good about preparing a parrty, or arranging decorations, you won't be tired, working until midnight - but, if you are working in a place that you don't want to work in, you take so many coffee/tea breaks, and yet you feel tired! Even if you don't do any work, and you just sit and think - it makes you feel exhausted. Exhaustion often comes through thinking, not by doing work.
There is a place, where you can rest with the Divine - and that is love, surrender - but you cannot do this, unless you get really tired; when you drop down, that is called surrender. This is what enlightened Masters in the past have said: You do your practices on your own, and when you cannot go on, when it is all so tiring, come and rest. That is why the "places" of enlightened Masters, are called "Ashrams". Ashram means where you come and get rid of your tiredness. "Aa" means without and "Shram" means effort. An ashram is where all the tiredness - both mental and physical - vanishes. You don't have to strive for it - just sit there in the Light. There is a candle, a light, burning for you; you have to sit under its light and you are lit. You so not have to do anything - it is burning for you. You only have to connect, sit and feel the presence - be part of the Divinity. Then, you will find that nothing in the world can tire you. you can become the source of love. Things cannot irritate you, when you are home.
There was once an Emperor, who attained all he wanted in the world. The whole continent of Asia was under his command, millions of people were at his control. At the snap of his fingers, he could have anything he wanted in the world - but, that could not get him home, and this made him tired. He went from place to place, looking fron some spiritual knowledge, collecting things - which worked for a while. Finally, he got so tired, he renounced everything - but that also did not work. Being an Emperor did not work; renunciation did not work. One day, he fell down exhausted, near a tree. He could not find a Master. Even if one finds a Master, it is not easy to recognise. It was Autumn, and at that moment, a dry leaf dropped from the tree. He was looking at the leaf, and it flew to the East with with the wind. and then to the North, when the wind blew North. It wasfloating in the direction of the wind. Looking at it, something clicked in his head. the do-ership, the wnating, simply dropped from him. The every moment he realized the moment is eternal...and he came back home.
Living life that way - agreeing with whatever the Divine has provided for you, floating with the moment, not regretting the past or anticipating the future, but being like a dry leaf - it is said he attined English enlightenment.
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