Intimacy: The Key to Our Well-Being

Many treatments require a level of intimacy between client and therapist. This intimacy can actually form part of the benefit to the client, whether it be on meeting and greeting, through a consultation prior to treatment, aftercare advice following a treatment, or the treatment itself.

Intimacy: The Key to Our Well-Being
As social beings, we have the biological need to be with others. From the moment we are born up to our adult years, we strive to build relationships with different people. We need it to boost our self-worth, feel connected, and achieve happiness.

In a 40-year study, researchers from Queens College were able to show that intimacy is the key towards well-being. What’s more surprising is that it doesn’t matter if people change partners as they age. What’s important is that they experience genuine intimacy.

What is intimacy?

Intimacy is a positive emotion that we experience when we build a close relationship with another person. But in order to experience intimacy, you first need to have a firm sense of identity, according to Erik Erikson – a developmental psychologist who developed the theory on ‘identity vs. isolation’’.  He said it is only when you create a sold sense of yourself can you merge your identity with your romantic partner.

People who have high sense of intimacy have the following strengths:

Communication – this means you are able to express what you feel and understand what your significant other feels.

Commitment – this means you are willing to remain attached to your partner through thick and thin.

Closeness – this refers to your ability to remove inner barriers and let someone see who you really are. You openly communicate with your partner because you know he or she accepts you for your strengths and weaknesses.

You may not be in the intimate stage yet with many people, but if both of you score high on these three, you have a high possibility of comfortable intimacy.

Going back to the Queens study, the researchers found that college students who scored high in intimacy retained their scores for decades. Even though they didn’t have the smoothest relationship history, it was their quest for intimacy that shapes their attitude and behaviour. Such intimacy has protected them from all the hardships they experienced in life.

And as Erikson predicted it, identity also remained to be a critical factor of intimacy, especially among those in their 40s and 50s, the study reveals. The researchers found that people who had low scores in identity also scored lower in intimacy.

How do you build your intimacy?

·    Value intimacy. We know that self-love is essential, but loving others is as important. Intimacy is a critical aspect of a healthy personality that you must cherish and cultivate all your life.

·    Strengthen your own identity. If you know who you are, what you want in life, and what your weaknesses and strengths are, building intimacy becomes easy.

·    Be open to new relationships. Just because you were hurt before doesn’t mean you are going to be hurt again the next time you engage in a new relationship.

·    Understand that intimacy might change over time. Intimacy is not a trait that is inherent. It is a dynamic quality that changes all throughout life. The strength of your intimacy depends on how you value closeness in life.

A tantric treatment or training session here has positive effects from many angles, including building your comfortable sense of intimacy, a great skill in life. Please contact us for more details.

Best wishes, Steve