I'm talking to you about the miracles of igniting in your sexual power! The first thing I'd say is I really mean that - what I'm talking about is miracles. A miracle for me is something that is beyond that which is normal to you, so if you think about your day-to-day life and you think about the way that you operate, a miracle takes you beyond what you generally experience with people. A miracle is something that's that kind of WOW experience. It may be a moment when you're taking in a film, or watching a theatre show, or a new taste sensation, such as sashimi or wagyu beef, or it might be reading a book, having a thought, learning something new such as swimming, sewing or diving, or it might be a sexual revelation. You recognize times when you've had that in your life.
So for me in Tantra, we believe you have many energies that work together to create your whole body. These are often referred to as chakras, which are spinning vortices of energy located from the base of the spine, the coccyx. right up to your crown. There are 7 major chakra centres along this line. Your sexual energy is located at the sacrum, or the sacral chakra. Sexual energy is a hormonal release of horniness messages that can be stimulated by physical means such as masturbation or having sex using genitals, lips, nipples, armpits or other erotic areas of the body. You also have your heart energy which is your loving centre of energy, where givign and receiving loving kindness are of importance. And then we also believe that you have your spiritual energy that's coming in from your crown chakra. In Tantra we work with all three of those energies.
Most people or most men when they think about their sexual energy, think it's either to reproduce or because they're feeling horny, i.e. it's the need to crack one off and feel a mental release with ejaculation. There's a mental pressure release that comes after sexual frustration reaches ejaculation. However, nobody ever teaches us or shows us about how to actually use that sexual energy - sexual power - in a way that can that can really help you. If you learn about how to mover, control, and use your seual energy other than just jacking off, it can literally transform your life and bring miracles. Using sexual energy and orgasm into the forefront of your thoughts and actions in a plethora of ways can bring profoundness to you beyond your day to day existence. If you can learn how to really get in touch with your sexual power and learning how to direct it, and how to master it, you are going so much further than many adults even think about.
There's three ways that I say that your sexual energy can help you. One way is on a day-to-day level. Another way is your sexual energy can show you where the problems are in your life are, where the difficult things are. The third way for me is for me about the profound miracles of using your sexual energy as part of your spiritual journey, how you can use your sexual energy to bring you to very profound spiritual states This last way is a Tantric way of life, from the Tibetan Buddhists.
Do you know that Tibetan Buddhists.can sit in a monastery and be in complete silence doing meditation for years and achieve states of bliss? Well, if I said to you that you can achieve those same states at home, you can have the peak of your orgasmic experience? It's the same bliss As I've got a little bit older my sex has got better year-on-year. I've taken responsibility for my sexual power and sexual enjoyment and made sure that I am in control of the experience that I'm having. I have tried many diffferent sexual experiences through the months and years. What I find is that that has given me much, much better sex and I feel that as I've taken responsibility for having better sex, I've grown in confidence. I've been able to declare to my partner or partners what my needs are, what I like, what what turns me on, what arouses me at different times. These can change and communication with your partner is key - in the preparation, during and afterwards.
On a day-to-day level of really starting to master your sexual power, you wouldn't believe how it can help you feel more energized and confident. Sexual play and sexual pleasure deal with the preparation first. This includes booking out the time for sexual play, getting items ready such as candles, incense, toys, rugs, sofas, worksurfaces, workout benches and tools. Then you have the time for play itself - where you build up your sexual levels up to the point of orgasm and then choose to ejaculate when you're ready. This is a key point - you choose, rather than it happens. And for this to happen, you need to control your energy levels and keep yourslef from the point of no return - when you know you're going to cum. WHen you ejaculate,your energy disappeas immediately - you are not interested in sex any more at all, and at my age, you have to wait days rather than hours or minutes, to feel any seual energy in you again.
But actually one of the things I teach in my workshops is about ejaculatory choice. You can decide to prevent ejaculation and keep your sexual energy at a high without peaking and heading straight down the cliff into the abyss. THis is called edging, as you keep yourself very close to the edge of the cliff - the point of ejaculation.
Making a choice to hold onto your sexual energy, and being able to learn to direct that in your life, brings you to a miracle point where you can achieve and be the things that you want to be and to do. You're going to feel more awake, you'll notice more in life, you'll feel more alive and as if that wasn't enough, you're also going to feel much, much, more juicy, yummier and sexier! The world can feel a bit different and it can feel more yummy, more exciting and just more juicy once you're in control.
The second way sexual control can enhance your life is that sexual energy can show you what's not going on right in your life for you. It can highlight different focus areas that you may want to look at. It's basically your set. If you're depressed, dislike yourself, hate others, you are worried, stressed, concerned, overthinking, have a physical chip on your shoulder, harbour self-doubt, do not wear clothes that you choose, do not eat or drink properly (think nutritional content, frequency of eating, portion sizes, and the amount of water as opposed to alcohol you drink, or drugs you consume - which includes caffeine, tobacco, soft and hard drugs and chemicals you may not be aware that you are consuming or absorbing), you'll feel down about yourself....all of these problems in your life will lead you to be having not great sex, or no sex. The correlation is clear.
I always say if it's happening in your sex life, it's happening in your day to day life and vice versa. So if you're feeling that your sex isn't that good, it might be that if you reflect on your life, your life may not feel that good. Turn this around in your hear, and your sexual energy can actually be your best therapist. I've been working with Tantra for 16 years and more recently, Hypnotherapy and Counselling and for many people, a healthy sex life is off to a bad start in their childhoods. Many men and women suffer sexual abuse in childhood that they would say completely fucked up their sexual experiences all the way through teenage years and into their 20's and 30's. Many men and women actually don't really enjoy sex when they first start. And it's not just those that were unfortauntely abused, it is compounded by pornography, a lack of teaching at schools and at home, masculaine toxicity and a lack of communication with their partners. Adults really have a very poor start off in sexual acitvity for so many reasons. But tt's not too late to start taking control of sex.
I remember going on my first an Tantra workshop and I just thought everybody was out there to abuse me. I thought they wanted to rape me, they just wanted to consume me. What I really learned in my journey with Tantra was about boundaries. How to say 'no' and suggest something else you can enjoy. How to have confidence in ourselves, perhaps overcoming insecurities that we might offend or upset the other person. Speaking, grunting, moaning, chanting, dancing, anal play, role play, requesting activities, planning acitvities, talking about how it was afterwards - all these are healthy aspects to a sex life and many of these lovers do not do for each other! I would say that really learning to be in the in control of your sexual power helps you feel more confident you're more able to ask for what you really really like. And you can achieve this in your day to day life first, before your sex life. Or you can try it with your lover first, in your sex life, and find the confidence from this, to then practice better communication in your everyday life, such as getting on the bus, driving courteously, walking and meeting people in shops, bars and hotels.
Have you ever been in sex and just wish your lover would do 'this' (such as turn over, moan, suggest you move, grunt, say something sweet in your ear, bite your neck, go faster or slower, try a different position, try double penetration, anal play, more kissing, or spooning) and they don't? You leave disappointed. Learning to master your sexual power can make you feel confident and it can also help you exercise boundaries.
As human beings, we're wired to keep working through what doesn't work in our lives. It's like we're programmed for pain and we're intent on findign things wrong and trying to correct them, and make them work better. This is just what you need to do with your sex life, it can be improved and it will make you as aperson, much happier, helatheir and better for work, rest and play.
It's like if somebody ever upset you or you've got a situation going on at work, and you struggle to deal with it as you'd like? It goes round and round, around and around and you spend a whole day worrying about a particular situation or stressing about it? It's not working and yet if you were able to just push that to one side, imagine the pleasure that you could live instead. One of the things I notice about people that experience and practice Tantra on a day-to-day basis (such as practioners, or over a weeknd festival or series of workshops), there's a different kind of energy in them to your average person. There's an ecstasy, a blissful state that's within those people because they've spent so long in what I call a orgasmic states. They're in a permanent state of orgasm.
Can you imagine every day waking up in a permanent state of orgasm? This is the third way in which using your sexual energy can help you! You can move into very, very profound spiritual states. Some people think putting on your Enya CD, lighting candles and your incense stick and sitting very uncomfortabley in a strage yogic pose is spirituality. It is for some people true, however spiritualty is feeling led by spirits. You don't have to be in that awkward pose, chanting inexorably and being alone, no fun at all and it just has to be miserable. For me, the reverse is completely there too in spirituality. I feel alove, clear, true, vulnerable, excited, knowledgable, at one with myself and the world. This mental state for me, is my spirituality.
The third part of the miracles of controlling your sensual power is your spirituality. It's not about following one particular spiritual path like the Tibetan Buddhists, who enjoy very, very quiet meditations, very much in silence, being very, very serious, very holy, in namaste. What they're meditating on is such a profound state of bliss that is actually beyond anything we can conceive on planet Earth. That's where they're at!! That's why they're doing it. They're not doing it to be all super holy, super spiritual,, they're not saying 'look at me, aren't I great?!' They're actually doing it because they're in a far better place than the often perceived reality of what's actually in front of them on planet Earth.
There's two ways for me of a spiritual pathway. There's the very quiet, celibate kind of opening into silence, in the state of bliss. The other way which is much more fun is finding that state at the peak of your orgasm, at the peak of your orgasmic state.
Now imagine that you are in a sexual activity, maybe with yourself, maybe with another. There's something about being in a sexual activity, the feeling of that energy coursing through your body. You can feel that energy rising and raising, and your body starts to tense and you can feel that natural orgasmic state surging through, and building up in your body. Then, if you're choosing to cum, there's that moment of ecstatic bliss, the moment of explosion. And then, the calm. When I ask men 'what are you thinking about when you ejaculate?' they always tell me 'nothing I'm not thinking about nothing'. So, there's something there connected to spiritualtiy. Sexual orgasm in Tantra is being part of a spiritual pathway about that nothingness. Nothingness is what the Tibetan Buddhists, meditators, and people in pain or distress are all wanting to do. They want to achieve nothing in their minds. Buddhists can achieve mindful bliss - having no thoughts in there - doing it through the silent pathway but actually what you can learn and use in Tantra, is another pathway. The sexual orgasm pathway to nothingness, in my experience is much more fun.
To continue with the spiritual journey and ecstacy of sexual power, imagine that if you touch your cock if you start to stimulate it, pleasure sensations start to go through your body. You can take the energy all the way up to the point of orgasm. When you reach that eye of the storm, when you cum, there's just that nothing. The frustration has gone, the needs and desires have gone, and you are at peace. If you can learn how to master that, you can extend that from 3 seconds to 3 minutes, to 30 minutes, to 3 hours, to 3 days of being content and at one.
You can actually extend it to a point with seasoned tantrics of the experience over a prolonged period. There exists a a time where that state is almost present with you all the time. But that's what the Tibetan Buddhists are doing. It's exactly the same state, but it's just a different pathway of getting there.
So when I talk about the the miracles of your sexual power, for me there's something about how it helps you on a day to day level, more energized, more confident, more awake. You notice more joy and bliss around and within you. When you learn to master your sexual energy, you just have much better sex. There's no other way to say it, you just have much much better sex.
The second thing is that your sexual energy can help show you the different things that you struggle with and the different things that are still there for you to work on. It's the cheapest free therapy, because it's showing you the different things to work on.
Thirdly, and lastly, sexual energy for me is about how I can learn to achieve bliss, which for me is a very big step on the pathway to spiritual enlightenment.
Tantra as a spiritual journey, it has its roots in Buddhism and Hinduism. It's a pathway to enlightenment, and it uses controversially your sexual energy to achieve those states. It helps people to start to have profound experiences of bliss, without drugs. However it is addictive and transforming, like drugs. Once you start hitting bliss, it's like another realm that has opened. It's just like the universe has opened for you. Its a miracle that such porfound state can come from your own sexual energy that you are in control of. You have the power inside you all along! That is the miracle, your sexual energy, when you manage it well.
And for me is as human beings, what we forget is we get so involved in our day to day life, we think that everything is really, really important. But actually the truth is in your vaults! The seed is in your cock, in your testicles.What you need to know you know when you hear spiritual little sayings 'it's all inside you' it literally is the truth of who you are. This journey called enlightenment starts in your arse, cock and balls, or more energetically speaking, the path starts in your base chakra which links all the reproductive and waste organs - muscles, fibres and tendons - together..
And my job as a Tantra teacher and practitioner is what I'm talking about now. I get so excited about this! Do you know, I tell people I have the best job in the world and let me tell you why! Because I spend my days (and I even cry at this point), I wake up every day thinking how can I help people to freedom? How can I help you realize and understand and reveal to you that you are so much more than how you perceive yourself right now. There's so much more to life that's much more juicy, ecstatic, blissful and orgasmic. I get so excited because for me it feels alive, it feels awake, it's my enlightenment, it's my passion, it's my love.
Over 10,000 men have been through my workplace, and I'm still teaching fourteen years later. I'm still as passionate about helping you to see, feel, touch and hear the love that's around you and to be open to the possibility of the miracles of your sexual power. I can just literally stroke the back of somebody's cock and scrotal sack and they can be screaming in sheer ecstasy that's pulsing through the whole of their body. For me, what is beautiful in that, is it gives them a glimpse of the truth, the cloud clears and the hot sun is upon you.
When somebody goes kind of crazy in an ecstatic orgasm, and then follows through to a blissful state, it's a reminder of the truth of who they really are. Understnading this is love. So you can see why I get excited, I mean who wouldn't want to know about the miracles of their sexual power? You can see why I get all passionate and then alive about it.
So let me give you an exercise practice that I'd like to leave you with and if you come back to this in a few days and you feel brave enough to let me know how it goes, please do! Try this out and maybe this could be your meditation practice for a week. Try it and see what happens.
To start, you switch the mobile phone off, and just stand in your room with your clothes off. Maybe it's seven o'clock in the morning before you're getting ready to go to work or whenever you can do it in your day. Close your eyes and start bringing your awareness to your breath. Just concentrate on your inbreath and outbreath for a little while. Take in nice, deep, fresh air into the belly, hold and then double slow on the exhale compared tot he inhale. Then I want you to ever so slowly just start to caress your body, one millimetre per second. This is very, very slow. Bring your awareness to this sensation that's going on in your body and for example when you start to go over sensitive areas like your nipples or around your scrotum sack ,around your cock, around your inner thighs, ever so slowly with your fingertips, what you may notice is you start to get goose bumps or you start to get shudders or spasms. When this happens, I'd encourage you to start bringing sound to those sensations that you're feeling. A few groans, oohs, aahs, creeping in and you will see how shudderings, from just that one stroke, are like a remembrance of ecstasy that can go through your body.
Now you need to be doing this for a good ten minutes and you know I really want you to allow yourself ten minutes of just quiet breathing, with light fingertips over your body, and just expressing with breath and with sound, the sensations that you're feeling in your body. What I also then want you to do for the next 10 minutes, is then to add some nice lubricant when you touch your cock, such as some nice massage oil. It doesn't have to be scented, it maybe just something as simple as sunflower oil, heated coconut oil or lubricant, whatever is your preferred substance for stroking your cock. Then just ever so slowly, start to wake up your own sexual energy. I want you to imagine your breathing that up through your body and you're letting it get bigger and bigger and maybe you're starting to stroke your cock a little bit more, but I want you to imagine breathing that energy up through your sacrum to your belly button, up through your heart to your shoulders, and through the neck into the head and to the top of your head. Feel that energy coming up your body, circulating and penetraing all of your body, down your legs to your feet, and to the Earth, and down your arms to your hands and fingers
And my invitation with this meditation is that I really want you to resist the idea of ejaculating. If you're not able to, then thats the reason for doing this again and again. As I said, I want you to try this for a week so you can learn to resist ejaculation. So, it's ten minutes breathing and stroking your body, touching, shaking, shuddering, glowing, radiating, and all the sensations you can bring with htat. Then it's another ten minutes of gentle cock stroking, maybe starting to stimulate yourself some more elsewhere in highly erogenous areas you have. Let that kind of energy go through the body without taking it to a point of ejaculation. Then I want you to spend another ten minutes of just lying down on the floor and just being in awareness of how that energy moves around your body.
I promise you if you do this for a week, you're going to start noticing things changing around you. You will start noticing yourself feeling a little bit more confident, feeling much more awake, seeing and being aware of what's going on around you. It's also likely that you might hit some function and doing soemthing better as you're thinking straighter and clearer. As I said, your sexual energy is actually your best therapist and so if you notice a block, you'll notice it again, in that ten minutes of sitting in silence. During this reflective 10 minutes at the end of the meditation, you can start having a check-in with that thing or things that came up and you solved.
What you may also notice in that ten minutes, is because you've taken your energy up and you've let it plateau, up in your head, that it's much easier for you to get into the silence of the meditation. The tips and techniques that I'm showing you can actually help you silence your mind.
So, ten minutes just getting used to your body fingertips, 10 minutes of light sexual stimulation. and then 10 minutes of silence. This time is just being a witness without any thoughts to what you're feeling in your body, raising your sexual energy throughout the body, and focusing on your breath.
So to clarify for you, I've been talking about the miracles of igniting your sexual power. I've talked about how it can help you out on a day to day and I've also talked about how your sexual energy can actually be your own therapist and I've talked about the profoundness of using your sexual energy for a more spiritual journey and how that can work with ecstasy with spirituality.