At Man on the Couch, Steve offers Tantric Masturbation, Meditation and Stretching Exercises, Male Self Pleasuring Performance Practical Training, Sensual Accessories Training, Sensual Massage, Lingam (Cock) Edging, The Gloryhole, Prostate Massage, plus more! Please look at the whole range of sensual, sexual and tantric treatments and training here.
If you’re like me, you likely grew up feeling like playing with yourself was wrong, or if not wrong, to be kept secret from your parents, friends, teachers, etc. As I continue to grow and work through the shame that I’ve carried, I am astounded at the countless inhibitory messages we have received about touching our own bodies—and how these messages show up in embodied ways. For example, unless you happen to consider yourself an exhibitionist, to be witnessed in your own self-pleasure, especially by someone like an intimate partner, can be a formidable challenge. You may notice that in order to get really aroused, you may need to be all by yourself, away from the eyes of anyone who might judge anything about you. For many of us, we have adapted as we could and continue to enjoy ourselves to varying degrees, a way to contact Eros, the yearning of our bodies toward spirit.
For others, self-pleasure is fraught with painful feelings and avoidance. You might harbor body shame or penis shame. Maybe you tell yourself, “I hate the way I look.” Maybe you don’t know how to enjoy just being with yourself outside the codified roles in the gay culture of bottom vs. top. Many avoid playing with themselves because when they do, they feel the inhibitory residue of what they’ve been through on the way to life in the present.
To be clear, any self-pleasure that leaves you feeling good about yourself is great, so I’m not suggesting that what you currently are (or aren’t) doing is bad—however you’re going about it. Maybe you love porn. Maybe you love being a bit sneaky. Maybe you feel pressure to get it over with as soon as possible, to “get it done” (I’ve heard guys say exactly that when it comes to playing with themselves). Wherever you are currently starting on your journey to deeper erotic self-awareness, just take note of your present attitudes, practices, and outcomes. And if you’re up for an experiment, consider the following suggestions.
What I believe intellectually, and in practice, is that self-pleasure is a foundation from which we can grow as lovers. How we touch ourselves, from technique to attitude, extends into how we generally feel about pleasure and worthiness. Furthermore, in shifting how we pleasure ourselves from unintentionally to intentionally, we can acquire and practice qualities that, in turn, affirm us: we can learn that pleasure is every bit as important as work, that in saying yes to our bodies, we are saying yes to the life force that moves us.
Consider self-pleasure as an expression of healthy self-entitlement to feeling good, and embracing a greater sense of worthiness to be here on this planet. Here is a pretty basic self-pleasure protocol to get you started. After experimenting with how you show up in this practice, I encourage you to make it your own, as unique as you are.
Turning It Up!
I hope that these practices offer you some insight and nourishment. See what happens when you decide to affirm pleasure in your life, how saying yes to feeling good tends to ripple out into other areas of your experience.
Best wishes Steve