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Why Have Sex and Not Ejaculate?
For many people, the climax of sex is the moment of orgasm and ejaculation: the surge of explosive energy (orgasm) followed by a big release of tension in the body after ejaculating.
However, did you know that you can have an orgasm without ejaculating? By practicing certain sexual techniques, it’s possible to have an orgasm and be able to retain semen. In fact, you’re more likely to have a full-body orgasm, where orgasmic energy fills the whole body and leaves you feeling tingling and energized, rather than with an ejaculation hangover. There’s no ‘recovery period’ either, so you can keep enjoying orgasms one after another.
Another reason to try it, is that women typically take a bit longer than men to get aroused. Once aroused, they can stay on an orgasmic plateau for some time. By learning to separate orgasm from ejaculation, you can stay in synch with your (female or male) partner and enjoy longer love-making together.
It’s a very personal choice for a man to practice non-ejaculation. We’re not talking about finishing before you climax, or strongly contracting pelvic muscles to avoid ejaculation. There’s ancient science behind it, and with simple daily practice, you can learn to manage your ejaculation. The daily exercises are great for helping with erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation issues. You can also receive support through one-to-one bodywork sessions with authentic tantric massage practitioners.
Increasing Your Vitality and Health Through Non-Ejaculation
According to the Taoist (ancient Chinese) and Tantric traditions, sexual energy is a source of vital life-force energy that promotes the health and longevity of the human body.
Taoists believe that this vital universal energy (also known as ‘Jing’ or ‘Prana’) is particularly strong in body fluids, especially semen. If you think about it, sperm has the potential to create life, and healthy semen is rich in nutrients. According to Taoist science, it takes a lot of vital energy for a man to produce sperm, so they choose to retain ejaculation, rather than expend it. They believe that if you ejaculate too often, you will age quickly and lose sexual potency in later life.
I have met older Taoist practitioners who practiced retaining ejaculation for many years with daily exercises to maximize sexual potency. They often look youthful and still have a lot of sexual energy later in life.
Full-Body Orgasm: How It Feels
What does orgasm feel like if you don’t ejaculate? In both the Taoist and Tantric traditions, men learn how to harness orgasmic energy and move it throughout the body. This may sound esoteric, but it’s possible to bring sexual energy from the base of your spine up to the crown of the head (and back down again), using breath and self-awareness. This can create very pleasurable experiences either alone or with a partner. You can even direct this vital life-force to parts of the body which are low in energy, or need healing both for yourself and your partner.
Moving sexual energy with a partner can create a strong loving connection. When you learn how to circulate the energy between the both of you, from the genitals to the heart, many other parts of the body will start to feel orgasmic too.
There are many different orgasmic experiences to explore once you’re able to separate orgasm and ejaculation, and last longer. For many practitioners, the ‘sublimation’ of sexual energy upwards through the heart to the crown of the head (the ‘crown chakra’) is part of sacred sexuality, and a path to spiritual awakening.
Ejaculation and ‘Happy Hormones’
Dopamine, one of your ‘happy hormones’, is released when you’re aroused. However, after ejaculation, a man’s system will dampen production of dopamine to give the body time to recharge and recover. It does this by producing prolactin, a substance which counteracts testosterone, and by releasing serotonin, which may make you want to roll over and go to sleep.
The good news is that if you orgasm and don’t ejaculate, you’ll still get a rush of endorphins and oxytocin. Oxytocin is the ‘cuddle hormone’, which is released through loving touch and creates a bond between people. Endorphins create a natural high which act like a sedative and can even diminish the body’s perception of pain.
Are There Health Risks If You Don’t Ejaculate?
As a tantric therapist, I advise men to ejaculate periodically, rather than not at all (a practice known as ‘sexual continence’), to make sure that there is no residual tension and stagnation in the pelvic area. I advise dividing your age by 5 to find your healthy ejaculation ratio. If you’re 35 years old, for example, then I would recommend ejaculating every 7 days.
Studies suggest that ejaculation may reduce the risk of prostate cancer, and that having an active sex life is very beneficial for long-term health. Sex and intimacy promote the release of oxytocin, the ‘cuddle hormone’, and feel-good endorphins. This can help to counteract stress which can play an important part in physical illness.
If you’re experiencing on-going issues with getting and maintaining an erection, or have difficulty ejaculating, it’s important to have a check up with a medical professional, just to be sure there are no underlying health issues.
How Does Ejaculation and Orgasm Actually Happen?
Firstly, let’s take a quick look at how orgasm and ejaculation actually happen.
Ejaculation usually begins during the first or second contraction of orgasm, and pulses of semen will then start flowing from the urethra. After the first orgasmic contraction, ejaculation can’t usually be stopped.
However, orgasm actually starts before semen is released, and there’s a small gap before the reflex to ejaculate kicks in. This small gap can be the starting point for learning non-ejaculation using a combination of breath, relaxation, and gentle pelvic muscle control.
Here are first-hand experiences from two men who have been journeying with separating orgasm and ejaculation.
The Tantric Practitioner
Vikalpo is a 44-year old man who was born in Greece. He has a strong connection with Osho, an Indian spiritual teacher and mystic who is well known for his teachings and practices about sexuality and spirituality. Vikalpo first visited Osho’s ashram in India when he was 20, and spent long periods of time practicing meditation and other esoteric practices there.
He remembers some advice from his father about sex and women when he was growing up. His Dad told him that penetrative sex ‘is like pissing’; you build up to it, release tension, then it’s over (and you don’t get attached to the girl either). Understandably, this description of sex didn’t satisfy Vikalpo.
A few years later, he came across a teaching by Osho, who described ejaculation as a ‘little death’. Vikalpo says, “It resonated with me. I had this question, ‘What am I doing here after I ejaculate?’ One minute I’m feeling alive and sexual, and the next minute it’s all gone, like spilling a cup. What if I could keep this energy inside, and use it to be more conscious with my partner and to enjoy longer sex?”
He naturally started to experiment, and discovered that he could play with sexual energy using his pelvic floor muscles and perineum (the space between the genitals and the anus). He experimented with getting close to ejaculation, then contracting pelvic floor muscles around the anus whilst keeping the perineum relaxed, and using breathing to bring the sexual energy back into the testicles from his penis.
After a while, Vikalpo realised that he could direct the energy upwards through his body. “Often, as men, we focus just on the penis as the only spot of sexual enjoyment. However, when I started to bring sexual energy to the whole pelvic area and up through the body, it was very exciting, and I could go on for some time.”
Another milestone was reading Way of the Superior Man, by the American intimacy teacher and author, David Deidar. He was now in love and able to manage his ejaculation, but not able to help his partner have a satisfying orgasm, let alone become multi-orgasmic. He says, “I had been a stallion with a big ego around sex, and thought I knew how to make women come and give them pleasure. Now I felt ashamed.” Deidar’s book gave him essential information about how a women’s body works sexually, and broke the code around the polarity of male and female energy. “After this, our intercourse really changed. She started to have full body orgasms and I got to experience what it means to be truly sexually intimate. After further practice, I was able to extend my orgasms to match hers.”
The Taoist Practitioner
David, 36 years old, is a tantric healing professional with background in Kung Fu. He became interested in separating orgasm and ejaculation during his professional training 3 years ago. To begin with, David doubted it was even possible. He says, “It sounded like a super human power. But I tried, and learned it.”
His first experience of separating orgasm and ejaculation was during a tantric massage therapy session, as practitioners often support men with learning this ancient tantric practice. During the lingam massage (‘lingam’ is the Sanskrit word for penis), I asked him to let me know when he was ninety percent towards ejaculation. At this point, I spread the sexual energy up through the body using massage techniques, and he used breath and visualisation to draw the energy upwards until his erection subsided. He noticed how his body became alive and he felt rejuvenated with sexual energy, but without any residual sexual tension. This sequence was repeated to train his body to move the energy towards the head.
A year later, after some dedicated self-practice inspired by Mantak Chia’s bestselling book, Multi-Orgasmic Man, David received another tantra massage session with a colleague. By then, he was able to control his ejaculation well, using his pelvic floor muscles. When he was close to ejaculation during the lingam massage, he used his PC (pubococcygeus) pelvic floor muscles to stop the release of semen, whilst the practitioner massaged the orgasmic energy away from the genitals and up through the body.
He recollects, “It was amazing; after she spread the energy up my body, I began to see lights and color with my eyes closed. I believe this was my orgasm reaching my head and stimulating the pineal gland. It was beautiful and very blissful.”
David suggests five steps to help you manage your erection, and to separate orgasm from ejaculation:
Practice pelvic floor exercises regularly to build awareness and strength. You can sit at a desk and do it, and no one will notice! Take up martial arts or join a yoga class, as these practices build up the pelvic floor.
Practice stopping the flow of urine by squeezing the PC muscles. This will make them stronger.
Learn some relaxation techniques to totally relax the body when you’re lying down. This is very important before you start exploring your ejaculation edge. Your body needs to be free from stress and tension for sexual energy to flow from the pelvic area.
See if you can stop ejaculation by using pelvic floor muscle control and relaxing totally.
Work with a professional tantric massage therapist who is trained to support men with separating orgasm and ejaculation.
Overall, his bedroom advice is, “What’s important is being you, and becoming more you, being relaxed, stripping yourself of shame and guilt, so you can be happy and joyous by just being you.”
How Tantric Healing Sessions Can Help You to Become Multi-Orgasmic
Many people feel daunted about the prospect of being able to control their ejaculation, although they would like to learn how to become multi-orgasmic. Qualified tantric healing practitioners have professional training to support men with separating orgasm and ejaculation, and with moving sexual energy throughout the body.
A first step in a session is to identify any physical, emotional, and energetic blocks in the body, and to help clients to release them, as this will affect the movement of sexual energy. Relaxation is also an important part of the session. There may also be trauma stored in the pelvic area, or other parts of the body. Many clients also seek support with erectile issues and premature ejaculation, and pelvic floor bodywork can be greatly beneficial for this as the foundation to becoming multi-orgasmic.
It takes dedication and self-practice to learn these techniques, and it may not appeal to everyone. However, the reward is to be able to journey for longer with your partner, exploring the potential of orgasmic energy for pleasure and wellbeing.