Have you wondered how to heighten your senses during intimate sexual encounters? The clue is right there in the question - 'the 5 senses'.
So, the first 'S' in better sex, has to be the senses. These are:
1. Sight (eg just look at that body form, eyes, lips, butt or face, or visualise energy spreading across your body).
2. Smell (eg aromatic candles, nose buried in deep crotches, underarms and cracks),
3. Touch (stroking, feeling bed sheets, stickiness, slipperiness, sweatiness, scruffiness (hair), caressing, soft and light with fingertips, pulling, twisting, squeezing. pounding, slapping),
4. Listening and Talking (screams, shouts, squeels, snorts, groans and requests, sharing verbal cues), and
5. Taste (eg spitting, exchanging saliva, sucking, eating and licking, swallowing, slurping, squirting, saltiness, sweatiness).
Note that these do not have to include penetration! Penetration often reduces the impact of the 5 senses, as penetration takes up the prime activity. The lack of need for penetration means that these senses apply just as well for self-love / masturbation / self pleasuring activity. You can enjoy all of the five senses of pleasure when you are alone aswell as with others. So, how excitingly different can we make each encounter, when we play with the S's? Let's think about a few more 'S's to excite us.
The second S that I’ve got for you is Slow. Really, really slow it down. Sometimes when we’re in sex, it can be a kind of hurried affair and it can be like two rutting stags and it’s all very fast and furious, like it’s just happening fast out of control. You can miss how you’re feeling inside of yourself and it can also sometimes feel like you spent longer in the shower afterwards than you actually did in the act of lovemaking. To demonstrate this, I just want you to try running your hand down your arm and on a scale of 1 to 10 just ask yourself how that felt just doing that and you’ll probably think, well, it’s ok. Now try this one, try it absolutely, really slow and you’re just bringing your fingertips lightly down and you’ll start to feel more, you’ll start to notice the sensation in your body is far more amplified and far more joyous, and it’s a beautiful thing. Now just imagine that if you’re with your lover, lovers, or on your own. Imagine those senses slowing down all over your body, how that’s going to feel for you and how that’s going to feel for your partner. The first S for the best sex ever is to slow down.
The third 'S' I’ve got for you is what I call scream. Now I could have said shout and I could have said breathe, gasp or groan, but I want to say scream. Because actually in our sex, we can be conditioned that it’s not OK to make noise when we’re having sex and what happens is that we limit our experience. If you’re not making any noise at all, then the experience of sex really stays inside of you and it doesn’t feel that it is being expanded and experienced through your whole body. You are also not communicating or expressing yourself fully to anyone with you The sex can be very repressed and this can also be one of the reasons for premature ejaculation. It is the shame of being sexual and not being able to express the sensations in your body. It may be because it’s not ok, the neighbours might hear and what might people think, or because you may have been abused and told not to make any noise for fear a family member or office colleague might hear, and abuse furthers this conditioning by forcing you not to talk about it afterwards to anyone. This creates an almighty blow to your expression. One of the things I say is whatever is happening in your sex, is happening in your day-to-day life. If you’re repressing yourself in your sex, if you’re repressing yourself by keeping it inside in some way, you’re also replicating that in your day to day life as well. You’re likely to be holding yourself back and not being free, flying and ecstatic. I could say make some noise for the best sex ever, but I would say, my advice, scream is absolutely the best one. So the first extra 'S' is to slow down, and the second extra one is to scream.
The fourth S for the best sex ever, is what I call savour. Now imagine you’ve gone into McDonald’s - you’ve selected your big mac, your diet coke, your fries and you’re sat alone and feeling self-conscious and want to get out of there. You eat it all down - 5 minutes and it’s all over and you probably don’t remember having that meal. Now imagine you’re going to a Michelin starred restaurant where it’s 12 courses and everything has been specially prepared, everything’s beautiful, white tablecloth, silver cutlery and each plate is like a work of art. As you’re eating it you kind of take in the visuals, take in the smell and there’s kind of that feeling inside of really savouring each mouthful and for me this is the same in your sex. If you’re with somebody you can choose if it’s going to be a McDonald’s meal that is as quick as anything and as I said earlier about slowing down, you don’t really notice it. Actually if you take your time and you savour - it doesn’t matter how long you spend having sex, it’s about the ability to really savour what’s in front of you, the person in front of you and to savour yourself and really feel it, really take it in, really experience it. So my third S for the best sex ever is to savour. It may only be one course, so make the most of all it has!
The fifth and last S that I’ve got for you to have your best sex ever is what I call sensual stroking. So the more sensual you are in your touch, the more sensual you are, the more you’re going to feel more ecstatic sensations, the more you’re going to feel alive and the more you’re going to be like ‘oh my god’. So the more sensual you are the more you’re going to feel it in your body. Stroking is about being really gentle and maybe rhythmical but not sort of fast rubbing because yeah that’s good but it’s all over before it even started. So what I said earlier about savouring - so learn to gently stroke and be in the sensation.
So let’s recap: my 5 S’s for the best sex ever:
1) Slow down - really slow it down
2) Scream - really make those noises
3) Savour - really savour what’s going on for you, really taste it, really feel it, really see it, really listen to it, really say it, really smell it
4) Sensual Stroking - be very sensual and very light - and try and broaden that on the body, you don’t really need to just stroke the genitals, or just the hips or nipples.
5) Apply all these to the five Senses of sight, smell, hearing/listening, taste and touch.
In doing these extra special things, you can get into a state where your whole body feels like your cock. If you follow those techniques through, you’ll start to feel shudders allover your body, you’ll start to feel tingling sensations and as you start to bring the heat of the sexual energy up you’re in for a very very good time.
Come in for a tantra treatment or tantra training course, and explore these 5 S's with Steve and other men at Man on the Couch. Male Sexuality Counselling and Intimacy Coaching is a key way to explore this with Steve.